The Valley
I'm struggling. This has been a tough year for me.
What an opening statement, right? It's honest, and it's my truth.
In March, my mother's side suffered a massive loss in our family when our matriarch passed away unexpectedly. Then, less than 3 months later, I suddenly lost one of my best friends. I received my grandmother's diagnosis on my way back from Ohio after my friend's funeral. A few days later, I got Covid. There was hit after hit after hit. And with each hit, I felt more and more alone and lost. I didn't know how bad I was struggling until I went to Mexico after beating Covid, and I cried on the beach listening to "Oceans" by Hillsong United and "So Will I" by Hillsong Worship. I cried for all the hits I've taken silently. I cried because I felt empty. I cried because the last time I had been to Cancun it was my 30th birthday and my friend was with me, and I heard her voice. I cried because it was hard to scream out loud. I cried because even if I did scream out loud, it didn't feel like anyone would hear me or listen. Life was definitely "life-ing" for us all. So, I could understand why my phone wasn't ringing, or visitors weren't lined up at my door to check on me. I cried because the song said, " Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders and take me deeper than my feet can wander," I knew the deeper I asked to go with God, the more open and vulnerable I would have to become and it was scary. So, I cried more.
I cried because I could see the truth and light in my environment and didn't like it. I cried because I felt hopeless and knew this valley was unlike any other one I had been in. Talk about being scared; I was and still am afraid of what I will face in this valley because each journey brings a different kind of healing.
So now what? That's the question you're thinking, right? "You cried a lot, and You're struggling, so now what? What's the point of this story?
Well, now my dry bones must come alive. It is hard to struggle alone; it's dark. It's also hard to heal in silence. So, I've given myself permission to live openly, honestly, and to testify. I wanted to tell you that you can and should do the same. The enemy would love for me to stay quiet about the valley of my life, the enemy would love for me to live isolated and dry, and the enemy would love for me to miss the mark and not call this season beautiful too. But I come to say ALL seasons are beautiful. But the valley season is the most crucial; how we respond in our valley season shapes our heart and character.
That's when God placed Ezekiel 37 in my heart. The story of the Valley of Dry Bones. In the scripture, the bones say they're dried up, their hope is gone, and they're cut off. And God says in Ezekiel 37:14 something very beautiful: "I will put my spirit in you, and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken and I have done it, declares the Lord."
Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is hope. I am not alone as long as I am filled with the spirit. I can combat the enemy's tactics that attempt to make me believe that I am alone. I can do this by worshiping. As long as I live my life choosing God's peace and joy for me, I can combat the attack. Will this stop the days that we struggle every time? No, but as long as we continue to walk in our truth and we're transparent with ourselves, with God, and we walk in the light, healing will meet us with each step.
I was looking for something in my phone notes and came across some older notes from 2013-2019 where I was asking God for a breakthrough and praising him amid my circumstances. After reading them, I thanked God because my circumstances have changed drastically. I was once again filled with hope. I was filled with hope, and at that moment, I had concrete evidence that my valley seasons have made me stronger and wiser. This one will be no different.
Always fight for glimpses of hope.
Whether on the mountaintop or in the darkest valley, I have lacked nothing, and God has never let me down. He will never let us down. Some days we have to fight to believe that. Sometimes we have to fight more than we expected for our hope and joy, but it's worth it. And that's where I am at so far this year. Fighting for that truth. Giving that truth permission to show up in my life every day. Because I know that "truth is the only safe ground to stand on."
In my June post, "Tight Grip," which was released June 6th, I talked about the ebbs and flows of life. How the high and low moments make life beautiful because God dwells in both. Hours after releasing the post, I got the news that my friend had passed away. At that moment, I had a choice to believe that God was with me or if I was going to give up hope. I chose to believe because I was familiar with the character of God. And I knew my choice to quit on my faith or lean in deeper would dictate my healing processes moving forward.
I believe God- daily and many times this season, I have needed Him every minute. And he has shown up for me. And my healing process is moving forward because of my trust in him and his grace for me.
I share my raw and open heart with you today, on 8/5. It is one of my favorite days of the year because it begins a new season for me: a rebirth. And in this season, I challenge myself and others to stand in your truth. Speak from your soul. Testify the goodness of the Lord, verbally and through your actions. Call your dry bones forward and let God breathe on them. Those dry bones became an army, so there is hope and a future. Let God renew your spirit, create a clean heart in you, and Let God set you free.
I do not despise my valley or this healing process because I still stand as a victor. What I want to encourage is this: stand up for your truth. Do not let anything stop you from showing the fullness of God. Only showing the mountaintop limits the perception of God. We are beautiful beings in the valley because we're empty, we are beautiful in the middle because we're trusting and reliant, and we are beautiful on the mountain because we're testifying how far we've come. Believe every season has a purpose, and nothing will be wasted. I know I will.
Oh, and P.Sā¦.your tears are fertilizing your harvest; hold on to nothing, let go of everything, and watch your garden of purpose grow beautifully.