The Notebook

I am a hopeless romantic. I adore and swoon over all the love movies, and I can watch them all day and countless times. One of my top five love movies is The Notebook. I mean, from beginning to end, I love it. There's one particular part, and it's actually a viral meme, when Noah asks Allie what she wants- don't think about what anyone else wants but what you want, and she answers, "it's not that simple." For the first time in over a decade, that part couldn't be more valid today than ever.

If I'm honest, I have been happy, but I've felt stuck lately. Unable to articulate or even see clearly what I truly want. I have the best support system in my loved ones, I have good health, and I am grateful for life - but there still feels like a piece is missing. I am in therapy, and I have a session today, and in my mind, I was like, I can't wait to go to therapy today, so she can help me find solutions to get out of this rut, and then I was instantly convicted, and my spirit said you don't want your therapist to help you find solutions you want her to tell you what you want, and no one can do that for you so start digging in.

Wow. Happy Thursday to you, too, Holy Spirit. 

I was not expecting that revelation at all. After my birthday in September, I usually have a good vision for my fourth and first quarters, and this year I wasn't moved or inspired to set goals. I would say things when asked, "you know I'm just going with the flow," or "I am not succumbing to the pressure of new year's resolutions this year, or I don't want to overly plan because I want God to show up." When in actuality, I didn't have the vision to disclose. And I was asking God to show me, but honestly, I wasn't creating the environment for him to show up and sit with me- because the second I had free, I would distract myself with different low vibrational activities to stop me from thinking about how stuck I felt (Counterproductive, I know). The thing is, I've been walking with God for a while now, and I know while God is with me, even when I'm distracted, he is not going to impose himself on things I didn't invite him into. Not his style.

I look back now, and I know it wasn't because of a lack of desire that I didn't set goals. I wanted to hit the ground running and work towards something, but I wasn't moved by much. But I learned today, just now, this morning in my early rising, that it wasn't the idea of my goals that scared me, and that's why I didn't set them. It was the preparation, execution, and work to achieve them that did. The fear of what if it doesn't work, what if I lose more people when I set boundaries, what happens after I achieve my goals? Should I always be in "chase" mode? I asked myself these questions and more. I also learned that because of my fear, I chose not to create an atmosphere to be inspired. I let complacency and comfort take the lead the last few months. And - get this, I didn't make space for God to show up. I gave the keys to my freedom away willingly to complacency by constantly deciding through my daily actions that I wouldn't grow and wouldn't learn, wouldn't strengthen my spirit and skills, and I was going to rest on my laurels. I revoked my own access to my future by not doing anything. Realizing no one is in your way, but you is a hard pill to swallow.

So, I concluded that I stressed myself out, and I didn't have to have fear and anxiety about anything. If we just meditate daily on God's word, it would take the guessing out of many of our daily decisions. He would help us get out of our own way and help us with the desires of our hearts. If we gave him space to speak in our lives, he would tell us that our body is a temple, so yes, go work out, make healthier decisions, and take care of your mental health. He would tell us how to prepare for our encounters with others. He would tell us how to do good business. When we invite God in, he shows up!! He's not like us- he's not a man where he should lie. Sometimes when we ask someone over, they might flake on us and not show up. That's not God. When we invite God in, he shows up in all his glory and power, ready to be with us. What a sacred and beautiful moment I missed out on because of fear.

In all honesty, I may not have had the vision of what I wanted as clearly as I am used to, but I know the woman I want God to be proud of. I see the woman I want my children, husband, family, friends, and myself to be proud of. And I know the steps it takes to get there, and I know I must do the work, and it will take time to happen. 

I said all that to say this: you're not the only person on the planet more excited to write the plan than execute it. It takes strength and courage to do the small daily actions that lead to big sustainable wins. Psalms 37:23 says, "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." When I read that, I think- win the day, I think to submit my plans to God, and he's right there with me every step of the way; I think even if fear has to go with me, I have someone that's bigger than anything or anyone and God isn't going to let fear direct me- if I let him in on this daily journey with me; I will win. I also think of Proverbs 20:24, which says, "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way." If God is with me and he allows the storm, then it is for a purpose, and I don't have to understand why he allowed it as long as I'm secure in knowing he's with me in it. If God is for me, who can stand against me? We can go for what we want. Our plans, wants, and desires are not too big for God, but getting the results we want is not easy. But remember, he has given us tools to go out into the world and conquer. We have to pick up the armor and go for it.

I often say to myself, "study for the A." If you want an A+ on your homework or that test, you have to study for it- if you run from the work, it will eventually show in your harvest. You will not be fruitful, and it will show because you'll repeat the same lesson repeatedly. And I am guilty, like most of the world, of wanting results now, and I realize that is certainly not how life or God works- I have to put some effort into what I want because, without works, faith is dead. Think of the story of the man who was lame, the one that laid on one of the porches and could not get to the pool when it was stirred (John 5:1-8). His faith and action helped heal him. He could have believed that when he encountered Jesus - and Jesus asked him do you want to be well? That this was just another onlooker. But the lame man gave him his answer, and then Jesus said stand up, and the man obeyed, pick up your mat (effort), and walk (an action). He decided to believe and do what Jesus told him to do. Grace and mercy are freely given by Jesus, but that faith walk though- that faith walk takes work. Your input will determine your output.

God said to ask for whatever in my name, and it shall be given to you (Matthew 7:7). He said he didn't give us the spirit of fear in Galatians 5:1. We must believe in those scriptures- let them take up space in your heart and mind. I know that is hard sometimes. But also know that sometimes it is okay to go to God like the man did in Mark 9:24 "the father instantly cried out, I do believe but help me overcome my unbelief" and say to God, help me with my unbelief - I trust you, and I need your help. If that is what you need to do - cry out to God, then do it. So that you don't miss out on what God has for you because he genuinely has plans to prosper you, and you can have what you want. You don't have to be stuck, and you don't have to be afraid of saying what you want out loud or working towards it, or who you may lose in the process when you decide that you want God's best for you and you're ready to work for it.

God's plan is better, and he wants to give us the desires of our hearts. We can have what God says we can have; you are not asking for too much- in most cases, we limit God by not believing big enough. Believe him for bigger. Believe him for a more significant and expansive reach. I challenge you and myself to be clear about what we want without fear that it won't happen or without fear of judgment from others. I want us both to stand on it. Be unshakable. Be unapologetic about our vision. Be bold enough to go after it- be strong and courageous. And let God direct our steps to how he sees it happening for us and simply enjoy the ride. 

This year we're focusing on facts over feelings. And the truth is God said you will win. Now all you got to do is let it be so- you won't regret it.