Track star
What a year! An incredible one. A year that I needed. It was full of love, transitions, closed doors, birth, forgiveness, laughter, travel, and healing. What a year. It was a year that I lived through but didn't write through a lot. And that's important to note because I am a huge journalistic advocate- hence the creation of G2P. But I am also an empath, feeling everything and thinking about everything. There's rarely a time that I'm not feeling or thinking about something deeply. But this year, I didn't write much about the good or bad that came my way. It wasn't because I was so focused on the moment that I didn't make the time to write, but I believe it was because I was afraid to look past the present moment. Sometimes, looking forward can be scary because you can start to feel pressure and inadequate handling the vision in your heart. That's how I felt.
But I learned it's not about what's in MY hands and what I can do, but more so it is about the power of God's hands and what he can do with the impossible.
There was a hit rap song on the radio back in 2021, "Track Star," and it said, "She's a runner. She's a track star", and that's accurate for me right now. I've run from the voice of God. Until the Holy Spirit pressed in heavily on me to share. So, here I am writing because the conviction to get this out was so intense I genuinely couldn't focus on anything else until I emptied this cup. Garden 2 Purpose is about my life and the real-life experiences that have convicted me so much. Every post is personal and intimate, and you can say conversational almost because these words and experiences are my thoughts, conversations, and prayers to God.
I share from a place of vulnerability, rawness, and transparency, and this is what's beautiful but sometimes daunting because sometimes, when imposter syndrome kicks in, I run and distract myself from listening. I still hear God when I'm running and hiding, but stopping and listening to what He's telling me is complicated. Can you relate?
3 months ago, I had COVID, and then last month, I had the Flu- and it put your girl down for weeks- WEEKS! Talk about God trying to get my attention. I spent that time resting but mostly distracted. I distracted myself by "catching up with my shows, " social media, and coughing. I'm not saying anything is wrong with that. Sometimes, a tiny bit of white noise is needed. But you know when it's excessive. You know when you're putting off something, and I knew. I knew and still kept running and wondered why I felt empty. Well, when you fill yourself with empty nutrition, you're bound to be empty inside and still be hungry for something.
I still hungered. Wondered why the word wasn't sticking; I could read the Bible and continue to move throughout the day, not wrecked by the word of God, not convicted enough to do the work of the word because of pressing distractions. That I chose daily. I have a quote on my fridge that says watch what's feeding you holistically. This reminds me of last year's "Seed of Identity" blog post.
When we think of the fruit we're producing in our lives, it directly reflects the seeds we've planted, watered, and decided to give light to. So, what are you planting in the ground? Whether they are good or bad seeds, we water a seed daily. Which one is growing? Doubt and fear? Or love and servitude? The word says you can tell the branch by the fruit it produces - you can't bear good fruit unless you're in God (John 15:2,4). How accurate, how fitting. You can almost always tell who has been working in the gym all winter getting ready for summer because those daily deposits eventually will bear a harvest. You can really tell what someone is focused on if you wait long enough because it will produce a harvest of something. It will show up in their patterns.
What will you harvest? What has God told you to do, and you're still running a 4.4-away from his voice? God shouldn't have to put a travesty in your path to bring you back to him. In ALL circumstances, you should praise him. When we ask God to trust us - it means, Lord, you can trust me to honor you when I'm in the abundant season as though I'm in my valley season- with the same intensity I will seek you with the same rigor when I was in the worse days. It doesn't always mean, Lord, trust me with more- it's can your praise still stand no matter what's in your hand, whether empty or full. Trusting God is a choice. Waiting until you have no choice and then choosing Him is really not making a choice. I realized the other day, like, wait a second, God, I really don't want you to have to disrupt my life to bring me back to my knees and kneel before your throne. Because I know you will, but I want to earnestly seek you. Let me fix my posture. And forgive me, Lord, for what I've placed on your throne to worship.
We've got to fix our posture. Cast down idols and cast our cares to the one who created us.
And that's all I came to say to you today. Often times we get off track. Sometimes, we realize we've been lukewarm, and you know what God says about being lukewarm. He says in Revelation 3:15-16, " I know your deeds that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out my mouth." Wow. How convicting?! Are you fully submerged or dipping your toe in the water to test God's temperature? Doesn't mean you're perfect if you're fully immersed. It just means you trust God to discipline you when you're acting a fool and still love you and cover you with his grace, and it means you trust God on your mountain, knowing it is only because of him. Being fully submerged means doing your best to be intentional, not perfect.
Maybe you don't even realize you've been running, but now you look back over time, you can acknowledge that your days have been just busy, busy, busy. You know we have control over how busy we are with the simple word "no" or "help." Take some control back, break the chains of FOMO, and say no or offer up a different time, but if time management is a struggle- schedule your time with God, put it on your daily calendar, and don't miss the meeting. That may sound controversial: "schedule time with God," but if it helps, do it. We often judge people because of their ways of communicating with the Lord. There's not one right way to do it. The way He convicted YOU is the way to do it. Just do it- have an intimate conversation with him and read his words. Choose it.
I don't have all the answers, but I can't ignore the pressing conviction I feel deep in my belly for myself and God's children: it's time to stop running. Run towards God if you want to run, but stop running around and past him when he's casually walking. Matthew 8:24-27 says Jesus was sleeping as a storm came, and everyone on the boat panicked, but Jesus was calm. He's calm now, wanting you to be where he is, wanting to fellowship with you, love you, and take your burdens - eager for you to let him be God. Let him be God.
We're close to closing out 2023, God willing, and as we all reflect and set goals and intentions, ask yourself where God needs me to be so that I may be a blessing and a servant to someone else. Your assignment that day could be to blast a gospel song, and the nearby car hears it, and it touches their heart. It could be to wear your God is Dope shirt, and it sparks gratitude in the person who stops you and says yes, he is. It could be wearing your Life's Journey apparel, and someone asks about your testimony. It could be to go to therapy to be a better mom, dad, partner, friend, sister, or brother. If you let God shape the story, your testimony could be used in totality. But you won't find the answer without God, and you won't find it running away. Someone is tied to you being in position and in alignment. You're tied to someone; there's someone tied to me; I am tied to someone. And I know we all want those with whom we are connected to answer the call from God and align so we can get to where we need to be. But we cannot get there if we're running laps around God, going nowhere fast.
So, Track star… stop. What is he saying?