EZ like Sunday Morning

I remember my parents having many friends ever since I was a kid. They'd always come to our house, or we'd go to theirs. Their friends became my honorary "aunts and uncles," and I gained a slew of "cousins," too. Weekends would be filled with my brother's friends, godsisters, or "cousins." We'd wake up Saturday mornings to huge breakfasts, clean up, and go outside. It didn't matter where you wanted to go in the neighborhood; you'd go outside and not bother the adults. They'd be in the backyard grilling if it was the summer, running errands together, or in the basement watching sports, playing cards, or playing on our pool table - a time was had. I had always said I wanted a friend group like that. They weren't without their ups and downs, but hanging out and being there for one another was easy. Like Sunday morning, it was natural.

As I grew up, I've had my fair share of amazing friends- and I can say that even though we may not talk as often or at all. They're all still good humans. And they're still in my prayers, and I miss some of them. I'm in my 5th state now, and as you move around, you realize how important it is to have a solid core group. It doesn't have to be a big group, but it is vital to have a solid group. I struggled for a while, accepting that my tribe didn't need to be large but needed depth. I had also struggled with placing people in their correct spots in my life. Believing their best intentions but completely ignoring their actions that displayed otherwise. Because making friends at this big age is tough. They say dating is rough, but finding friends is tougher. Oh, and friendship breakups can take years off your life- like they're worse than romantic relationships. They just cut deeper. So, considering all that, we don't just go out and try friend after friend.

It takes a certain amount of vulnerability to say I want a tribe. And I need a friend. I've seen it a lot lately, especially on social media sites. Where people are taking a stand and saying they need and want community. We all realize there is nothing like having someone or a couple of people who get it. These people can also help you in many stages of life and allow you to grow and learn from them. We're becoming wives and mothers, husbands and fathers, and retirees; there are health, grief, and career changes that we're also navigating. There is a lot we need support through. Proverbs 27:17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." We need one another to improve, become sharper, and wiser. If you believe otherwise, then my heart aches for you deeply.

When I used to work at the Cyclebar in Arizona on Saturdays and Sundays, there would always be a group of girls that would come in early to take a class together, and then I could see them laughing and brunching at the café right next door, making plans for the day. Some would make play date plans with their kids, double dates with their husbands, or just spa or self-care dates with one another. Sometimes, the two hours they spent with each other with the class and café would refill their cup and be what they needed after a long week. And back then, I would always be so inspired to have a tribe with which I could do that. And I am thankful that in my lifetime, I have been able to experience some of those moments with some of my friends- the moments where we laugh, veg out, cry, vent, and create safe spaces for one another. You know you have good people in your life when you feel refilled when you leave them.

Friendships can heal you. If you let them.

It is scary to say you need someone else; you're afraid or lonely. It's easy to live in a bubble- it's hard to say you miss someone; you need to forgive someone or ask for forgiveness from someone. Sometimes, we get so desensitized to vulnerability that it is frightening. But honestly, we need that rawness. And it's the enemy's tactic to isolate you or make you believe you don't need people or you can't build or rekindle with good people.

I know people are humans and have made their fair share of mistakes, but don't let those mistakes close you off from having true community. And also, people aren't disposable. Don't discard people either- sometimes we do this because it's hard to communicate how that person made us feel. We ghost them and mask it as protecting our peace. Occasionally, we're the issue, and we've got to grow up. Have tough conversations- our parents have had friends for 30+ years, and I'm sure it didn't come without their tough seasons and challenging discussions.

Sometimes friendships take work- the friendship can't always be on your terms. You must be able to have a double-sided relationship, not just one. And this means showing up for people how they need you to, and not only from your point of view. You may think, "I don't need to do all that- this shouldn't be this hard." It's only hard if you keep projecting and putting what you think makes you a good friend over the reality of what the relationship needs. Everything takes a little work. But it's worth it- safe spaces are essential. Me having a safe space is important. You having a safe space is important. I wish our generation would value community like some of our elders did.

Friendships can help you go further. If you let them.

A story in the Bible, Luke 5:18-20 talks about how a paralytic man was healed because some men lifted him up and lowered him through the roof so that he may see Jesus. He couldn't have seen Jesus alone; you can't and shouldn't do life alone. You could miss your miracle. Life is better when you have a community of like-minded people who will lift you up and think you're a big deal. Friendships matter. Community matters. I say all that to say that having great friends and being a great friend is life-changing. Seasons change, and with a fantastic tribe, you'll find acceptance, peace, and room to change. My challenge to you today is to call a friend that maybe you’ve lost touch with. Trust again.

Friendships are powerful. If you let them be.

May your friendships lift you up. May they be as easy as Sunday morning. May your friendships pray with you, have worship parties with you, cry with you, feed you, correct you, and bring healing to you. And to all that have been that for me and have never given up on me, I thank you, adore you, and appreciate you.

Always- no matter what.